Kadiri with a capital K

Warning: STOP READING if you're eating or about to eat or if  you have a weak stomach.. . Cuz super kadiri tong kwnto na to. This happened yesterday.

Backround lang… if a property in singapore is up for selling, the agent, together with prospective buyers, will view the flat to see its condition, appearance, etc and is usually during weekends… Thus the name "viewing". This is  done together with an "evaluator" who will determine the price of the flat.

Last night, there was a scheduled viewing of our flat.

9pm–the property agent arrived with the prospective buyer (Indian).

Shempre, sa door pa lang, they took off their shoes, as is the custom when you enter flats here.

Pasok muna ung agent (Wilson)…Followed by the buyer (tawagin natin shang Pana).

When Pana first stepped into the house, all of us smelled shit. Wilson asked me: "You have a dog?" E wala naman kaming dog.

I thought baka naiputan lang si Pana ng bird shit sa carpark sa baba. Clearly, the smell was coming from him.

They may nalaglag na tae sa sahig.

Then si Pana nagpaka deadma lang.

Then I saw shit in his hands. as in may hawak hawak sha sa kamay nya. Kasing laki ng dalawang subo ng kanin.

P*TAH ANO TO???

May nalaglag na naman na shit sa sahig, kasing laki ng piso.

"HON!!! PENGE TISSUE!!!" sigaw ko kay Jun. Mejo mabait pa ko this time. Kala ko emergency at magsosorry sha for the incident.

Abot si Jun ng tissue kay Pana. Clearly it wasnt bird shit cuz it undoubtedly smelled like human shit.

So start magpunas si Pana ng sahig. Nakakainis pa, ung pinunas nyang tae e kumalat lang lalo.

This time, nagpunta na ko sa may terrace, hoping I could breathe some fresh air. Pero hindi. Naduwal na ko.

Sabi ni Pana "Can use your washroom?" (singlish shempre). Sa bawa't apak nya papunta sa guests' CR e may nahuhulog na tae sa sahig. AMPOTAH talaga.

Sinindihan ko LAHAT ng scented candles sa bahay. Super pissed na si Jun this time. Hindi nagagalit ang asawa ko pero siguro you can imagine naman especially if you who know how OC Jun is when it comes to cleanliness sa bahay.

Binabaran agad ni Jun ng cleaning materials ung path na dinaanan nitong si Pana. Hindi na namen ma-take. I FEEL SO LUCKY NA MARUNONG AT MASIPAG MAGLINIS ANG ASAWA KO because I can't even go near the mess that Pana has made.

While I was surveying the mess, I thought to myself: "Anu na nga ba number ng cleaners cuz I definitely cannot clean that mess!" Hindi nga ako naglilinis on ordinary days, anu pa kaya eto. (Maybe you're wondering–Pana should clean everything. Ay naku, di mo maiisip to cuz we just wanted to get rid of him!)

After 30 minutes, lumabas na sa CR si Pana. Deadma. Di man lang nagsosorry. Pero ung agent super sorry ng sorry.

The washroom was a mess. A whole roll of tissue paper was wet. There were some shit on the rag. Ung small towel na nakahang sa wall, may "labit". grabe. it took three scented candles to get rid of the smell.and naubos din ung automizer na freshener sa CR na to.

So anyway, malamang, on the way pa lang to our flat e umebak na si Pana sa pants nya. Sana hindi na lang nya tinuloy yung viewing. Hindi man lang nahiya.

Even if the smell has vanished, I could still imagine the smell. Yuck talaga. Traumatised ako talaga. Until now parang I dont want to go inside that washroom. Kahit lininis na Jun bawat sulok at fixtures nun.

Wilson and Shah (the owner) said their apologies but it's not their fault naman d b. Maybe it's also not Pana's fault. Baka naman over talaga ang diarrhea nya or he had his anus operated on so di nya na talaga mapigil. But still d b, common sense and breeding, wag ka naman magkalat sa bahay ng ibang tao.

THE NEXT DAY (today) Pana and the owner returned to view the flat again. Siguro hindi sha nakapagconcentrate last night dahil sa dumi nya! Before he entered the house, Jun gave him a piece of his mind. Sabi raw ni Jun : DONT YOU MAKE A MESS HERE AGAIN! (Pasigaw eh, galit kasi si Tutuy. At sa galit nya di na nya ata naayos ingles nya hehe). Pero hindi ata mashado marunong mag-English si Pana. So mejo di nya naintindihan. Grabe, nakuha pa nyang bumalik at magpakita dito. Kababuyan talaga ng IBANG locals dito, grabe. sabi nga ni LifeIsShorts, THE NERD!

Shempre, when I got to the office today, I told this incident to my colleagues, mostly Chinese. They immediately asked for our UNIT NUMBER, para itaya sa numbers game dito (something like 4digits or Toto). It turns out, incidents like this brings good luck daw.

Well, we'll know later if we won the jackpot. I hope so, para naman something good will come out from Pana's ultra-stinkin' shit.